I haven’t had posted an adoption thoughts post in awhile and recently I had something come up that has to do with my birth daughter and genetics. I know that there isn’t anything I do about the situation now but it still makes me feel bad and like I should have done something different when I was pregnant so that something like this wouldn’t happen but that being said I know that there was nothing I could have ever done to stop this from happening.
I was informed a few months ago the my daughter has Alopecia Areata which is an autoimmune disease like Multiple Sclerosis but her immune system is attacking her hair follicles so she has no hair. She will be ten this year and I can’t even imagine what it has to feel like having no hair and being a kid today. I have spent tons of time wishing I could trade places with her because people don’t have to know that you have MS but when you have no hair everyone can see that.
The reason I feel guilty is because there are strong indicators that autoimmune diseases are hereditary so because I have one she has one and that is hard for me to accept. I know that there is nothing I could have done to stop this from happening but it is still hard for me to know that because of me she developed this condition.
I know in time this will get easier to deal with and I won’t feel guilty but for now that is how I feel. It has also cemented in my mind that I won’t be having kids because I don’t want to risk something like this happening to them. I have another adoption thoughts post coming up because I am so sick of people judging those of us who place our children for adoption. Just because you are looking at our situation thinking we could raise our kids doesn’t mean we should. Anyway I will leave rest of that rant for another post in the near future.
What are you thoughts on this subject?
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2 Comments on Adoption Thoughts-Feeling Guilty
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I don’t judge you at all for having given your daughter for adoption. Apart from the fact that it’s not any of my buisness, it’s obvious that you love her very much and want the best for her. Such a bummer that she also has an autoimmune disease 🙁 It’s a great idea to educate people about adoption, from the point of view of the birth mother.
The whole issue of whether to have children when we have MS is a tough one. I’ve not been able to have children (7 years of infertility) but am still trying. It’s hard when I see others have an MS episode after giving birth or when dr. tries to put me off. The risk of bio children having MS is relatively minor, but I hadn’t considered the risk of them having other autoimmune diseases. Will look into that. Have you come across any studies? I’m actually currently considering embryo adoption. If we did that and it worked, the baby wouldn’t be genetically related to me. So much to think about and consider. We’re not to blame for our genes though, no matter what current or future children may have to deal with.
Rachel recently posted…Walking the MS Walk
It never crossed my mind either and there is nothing saying that she got this because of my MS. I also know logically that it isn’t my fault but I can’t help but feel bad. I have never been one who wanted kids so this is just another reason to add to the list of things that make me not want to have kids.
Margaret Tidwell recently posted…Weekly Wrap-Up