Archives for February 2010

A Very Hard To Write Update & Monday’s MeMe With Supah

15 Feb

Well it is about time I let everyone in blogland know what is going on and about my letters to Josh. I decided that it was time to let Josh go because I was never going to be able to trust him after he left me on Christmas Day in 2008. We had gotten back together and I was really trying to trust him again and find the love I once had for him but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find it. I wish that I could find it because I feel like I am losing one of my really good friends but he says that he can’t be friends with me once the divorce is final. I am really struggling with everything because the only person that really is supporting me is Misti. I am tired of my grandparents telling me that they told me not to marry him. I mean they are right but they don’t have to keep throwing it in my face. Is it really that hard to be supportive and pay a little bit of attention to me when I need it. They are both so wrapped up in my brothers life that they don’t care about what is going on with me and that I need someone just to be around me. For the first time in my life I like being at work because there are people here and Misti is here. When I am at work I don’t feel like the world has forgotten about me. I know people haven’t but that is how it feels right now.
So Josh called me today at work because I had text him to find out how we were going to work out the phone bill this month and when he called me back he was a total jerk. When just last night he was begging me to come back to him?!?!? He leaves me so confused and even more depressed than I have been. I don’t know where to go or what to do from here.

Now on to the Monday MeMe that actually kinds of fits with this update. Supah’s MeMe asked what our favorite quote is and why we like it so much.

MyHotComments
I found this quote a few years back and I realize more than anything now that it so true. My whole life I have done things because I had to do them and now I realize that all of my trials have made me strong. I would be the women I am today with out every crapy thing that has ever happened to me. I think I will finally except that I am strong but also say I am strong because I have no other choice but to be!

Have a great Monday!!!

Filed Under: All About MEme, DEPRESSED, FAMILY, JOSH, MISTI

28 Comments

Weird Information About Me

14 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

Sunday Stealing: The Clown’s Meme 1

1. How old will you be in five years?
30
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Grandma
3. How tall are you?
5’4″
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Not sure-Nothing is really looking good at this point
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Probably “The Blind Side”-It was great
6. Who was the last person you called?
Grandma
7. Who was the last person to call you?
Tim
8. What was the last text message you received?
Misti saying she liked my nails
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Tim
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Text
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Laying in bed
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married- At least the ones that raised me are my real parents are divorced
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
When I got married 2 and a half years ago.
14. What color are your eyes?
Blue or Gray
15. What time did you wake up today?
8
16. What are you wearing right now?
Pj’s
17. What is your favorite christmas song?
Don’t like any of them to be honest
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
In my bed room with my laptop
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Work
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Somewhere were no one knew me
21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Not sure but I am sure interested to find out
22. Do you tan or burn?
Tan
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
I can’t remember but I do remember having bad nightmares.
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Probably Misti telling me I can’t run away because she has to know where I am at.
25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
4
26. How big is your bed?
A full size bed
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Both
29. What color are your sheets?
Depends but right now they are green, blue, purple stripped
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
5 or 6
31. What is your favorite season?
Fall
32. What do you like about Autumn?
The cooler weather
33. What do you like about winter?
Not a damn thing-I am ready to get away from it all.

Filed Under: Stealing Sundays

8 Comments

Saturday 9 & Six Word Saturday

13 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

Saturday 9: It’s a Beautiful Morning

1. Are you a morning person?
Nope not at all-But I do manage to get to work early even though I am always half asleep driving here.
2. Tell us of a news story that truly shocked you.
The one I think of right now was a about two little girls ages 3 & 2 I believe (I could be wrong) that were walking down a major road at 9 pm. Their mother didn’t even know they were gone until 6:30 in the morning. Supposedly their older sister was watching them while the mom was at work and when she got home she ask her where the two little girls were at. She just assumed that the older daughter was right and didn’t even go and check on them.
I am not a mom but who doesn’t check on their kids at least once a night to make sure they are alright and what not. My grandma always checked on us.
3. What was your very first job?
I cleaned at an elementary school starting at age 14.
4. What characteristics do you despise?
Lying, unreliable-I am sure there is more but those are my top two!
5. To where would you retire?
Somewhere warm and around my friends.
6. Are you named after anyone?
My first name is after my moms mom and my middle name is my dad’s mom’s middle name.
7. How do you release anger?
Blog or just explode after I have held it in too long
8. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I used to use it more than I do now
9. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself there are too many to name right now. So I am not going to name any of them.
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I really hate single awareness day!

Filed Under: Saturday 9, Six Word Saturday

6 Comments

12 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

I have gotten this award from: Mommywood, Gregory,Melissa from Sugar Filled Emotions. I have put off writing this post for too long no so I am going to do it now! You all should stop by and see them. They are great bloggers!

In order to recieve this award I must do the following and you the same if you choose too
1) Put the logo within my blog or on my post
2) Pass the award onto 12 fellow bloggers
3) Link the nominees within my post
4) Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

Mormon Surrogate
“A” for Effort (“B” for Blog)
Raine at True Confessions Of A Single Mother
Ann at 3 Boys and Adoption!?!
Margaret at The Brown Recluse

Ok I only did five. I am out of energy to do anymore. Ok I am just lazy!
Have a great Friday!

http://theworldasiseeitbloganddesigns.com/i-have-gotten-this-award-from-mommywood/

Filed Under: Award

6 Comments

12 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

Well I finally made it to Friday and I can say that I so glad it is almost the weekend. I have had a really rough week and I am ready to turn my brain off and forget about all the stress until Monday. Anyway it is time for Friday letters!
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Dear Josh,
I don’t seem to understand why you and I can’t be friends. Maybe Squirrel is right and it will take time but I get the feeling that it won’t ever change with you. I am probably right and need to get used to not talking to you anymore. It is hard for me because I look at you like you are one of my best friends and it will be hard to not talk to you again but I will respect your wish’s and after the divorce is final I won’t contact you again.
Margaret
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Squirrel,
Thank you for always being there for me! Even when I am being a bitch or depressed. It always sucks that we are both always going through so much that we can’t totally be there for the other person and what not. I want you to know that I am trying my best to be there for you all the time and I hope I am doing a good job at it.
Bunnie
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MS Active Source,
You totally suck major ass! I am so tired of the run around and you not doing your job. Don’t you get that I am already a week late for the medication and now it is going to be two weeks at least before I get the medication. You idiots are the reason I am seriously thinking about stopping your drug and taking my chances with disease.
Pissed Off Customer
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Dear Followers,
Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog! It makes me feel good to know that people like to read what I write!
Thanks,
Margaret
————————————————-
I have an update about what is going on coming this weekend!

http://theworldasiseeitbloganddesigns.com/well-i-finally-made-it-to-friday-and-i/

Filed Under: Dear So So, JOSH, MISTI

6 Comments

Steak & Pork Chops

11 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

Well this is the first week for this MeMe and I had something happen to me at home that fit into it perfectly this week.

One night I had gotten home from work and I was in the kitchen talking to me grandma. My grandma asked my grandpa how he liked his steak that she had cooked for him. He looked at her and said I didn’t have a steak. I had a pork chop. After he walked out of the I looked at grandma and said we need to get him a stupid sign!

Filed Under: Here's Your Sign

8 Comments

Me & The MS

11 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

This post has been harder for me to write than when I posted Brita’s story. I began to get sick when I was in 10^th grade. The first really symptom that I can remember is my left leg started to drag. It would just stop working at random times. I can remember in gym class that year we had to run the mile for a grade and I did my best but I was going to fail the class because I could run it fast enough because my leg was dragging. We went to the doctors and lets just say the only reason they did an MRI was because my grandma pushed for it. When that came back they called us in because they needed to talk to us. They said that there was what they call lesions on the brain. They show up as white spots on the brain. They told us that they needed to do a spinal tap to rule out MS.

The spinal tap in and of it self was a huge ordeal to say the least. I got the spinal tap on a Thursday and by Saturday I was so sick. I had a huge headache and was throwing up. So we went to the ER because it was obvious that my spinal tap hadn’t sealed. When we got the ER they made me lay in the waiting for about an hour until they took me back to a room. After they knew what was going on they wanted to send me home because the guy that could fix it was on call and he didn’t want to come and do a blood patch. He finally came in after my grandparents raised a living hell because I could have died if I didn’t get a blood patch ASAP.

When the results of the spinal tap came back they called us in again and told my and my grandparents and I had Multiple Sclerosis. They wanted to start me right away on Avonex. I don’t really remember much of the next couple of months. I think I was still numb to the whole situation. What I do remember is how sick the medication made me every weekend. I took the shot on Friday nights and spent the whole weekend with flu like symptoms. I stopped taking that medication after awhile and started on Copaxone. With that one I had to take a shot everyday and that didn’t last very long either.

I was pretty stable and not much went on until a year ago and that is when my hand went numb and it got hard to do anything with them. Slow I have been able to use them more but it feels like they are asleep all of the time anymore. I started on Tysabri about a year ago and so far it has worked the best but I also has a major problem with it as well. You can develop a condition known as PML that will basically make you a vegetable. They are finding out that the longer you are on the drug the higher your chances are of getting this serious condition. I am not sure how much longer I will be on this medication but I don’t have any other options right now.

That is my story in a nutshell. If you have any other question feel free to ask me I will answer any questions that you may have.

Filed Under: DEPRESSED, Doctors, MS, SICK, TYSABRI

19 Comments

Random Dozen

10 Feb

Written By Margaret Tidwell

1. Are you pleasant when you’re ill, or are you a grumpy, fussy patient?
I am grumpy and not very nice if I have to go to the hospital.
2. When you find out that school is canceled (due to inclement weather) what is your gut reaction?
I was always happy when I was in school and since it only happened once it was short lived. I always wished that we would have more snow days!
3. What is one domestic skill you wish you could improve?
Cleaning-I am not good at cleaning at all and I hate it.
4. Do you decorate your home for Valentine’s Day?
No-I dislike the holiday greatly.
5. What song is on your mind today?
Welcome to my life-I can’t remember who it is by but it is an old song that I love.
6. Do you prefer contemporary movies or classic?
I like any movies. I am not too picky when it comes to movies.
7. How well do you “compartmentalize” your feelings? For example, how well can you put aside a really trying moment to deal with the immediate situation which is not related to the trying moment, e.g., putting aside a tiff with your spouse in order to finish wallpapering a room.
I don’t do it well at all-If someone pisses me off everyone after them will get to hear about it.
8. What is the first thing that attracted you to your spouse? (Or if you’re single, to your best friend.)
Their personalities and how they treat other people.
9. When was the last time your heart raced?
It does it all the time and when it does it it is never a good thing.
10. What are your memories of Valentine’s Day at school?
I always hated it-I was always the kid in high school that wanted a flower but never got one.
11. If you were going to receive candy for Valentine’s Day, which would you prefer?
Probably fruit covered in chocolate.
12. Red or pink?
I am not really a fan of either of them.