Very Down

I was told today that I am a negative person.  I know at times I can be but I don’t think I am always negative.  Now this isn’t the first time I have been called this by different people.  So I am starting to wonder if I really am a negative person and if I really am is there anything wrong with that?  I know at times it isn’t a good thing and in those times I try and be positive.  I just feel like no matter what I do someone is mad or says how I am feeling is wrong.  I love being told that I wrong about something or that my opinions are wrong.  I have wondered a lot the past couple of days is being me is some how wrong and if I should change to be something that I am not.  Do I need to be a totally fake person in order for people to like me?  Or should I not let people get to me and keep being me? I am really stuck right now trying to figure out who I am and what I am doing.  I feel all alone in this world.  I feel like I have never really had anyone that cared about me.  Everyone that has said they care have at some point kicked me when I am at my lowest.  Today was no different to say the least.  I am finding that I am just going to go back into my shell and not come out anymore.  I seem to let people in and all it does is end up hurting me.  Now that isn’t to say that at times I may bring in on myself but I try and be positive and what not and hell at times I just can’t be.  I know I am like I am because of my childhood and I just wish that people could understand that.
I am at the point that I am typing this because I really have no one to talk to about it.  People just don’t seem to get me and maybe it will be better for society if I just go away and leave the world alone.  Now I would never kill or hurt myself but I am good at going into my shell and just tuning the world out.  Most days I do that anyways and I see now why I did that.  I have had more ups and downs since I have let people in than I have ever had before in my life.  I think I am done letting people in and letting people hurt me. 
I guess I am out of things to say.  Sorry if this hurt anyone’s feeling just voicing how I feel right now!

Margaret Tidwell

I am a 32-year-old blogger. I write about my life and my struggles with Multiple Sclerosis. I also am a huge book worm and I have been doing book reviews for years now. I also blog about adoption, Multiple Sclerosis, and things that go on in my life.

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

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