Pour Your Heart Out

I am writing this post for Shells Pour Your Heart Out.  I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this.  As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.

It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard.  I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them.  I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again.  It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt.  I can’t believe my daughter is 5.  Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption.  When I go to the stores and see the baby clothes it makes me sad because in my head she is still that little.  I have shared my story on here before so I am not going to write about that again instead I think I am going to write a letter to her.  All I ask if you have nothing nice to say then keep your mouth shut. 

Dear Brita,

I can’t believe you are already 5 years old.  I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder.  I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t.  I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.  I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know  how I was going to make it through saying goodbye.  I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less.  I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms.  I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you.  If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be.  I hope you grow up happy.  I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts.  I hope you never doubt the love I have for you.  I will always love you no matter what you do.  I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life.  You deserve so much more than I could ever give you!  I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you.  In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!

Love,
Margaret

Margaret Tidwell

I am a 32-year-old blogger. I write about my life and my struggles with Multiple Sclerosis. I also am a huge book worm and I have been doing book reviews for years now. I also blog about adoption, Multiple Sclerosis, and things that go on in my life.

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

Margaret Tidwell

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Comments

  1. OH, Margaret. That was beautiful. It was so brave and self-LESS, what you did. I honestly don't know if I would have been. You are a beautiful young woman inside and out, and no disease, or person, or diagnosis, or doctor can EVER take that way from you. It's a honor to know you.

  2. I didnt know that you had a daughter. That seems like the hardest thing but in the end its the best thing. You are so strong! I could never have done that.

  3. I am crying with you. Placing a child up for adoption is such a hard decision, even though we know it's the best decision.

  4. Such a beautiful letter. It sounds like you did the right thing, as hard as it was.

  5. •••Mumsy••• says:

    I hope you will find comfort and peace soon for such a painful memory. You did what you thought and believed was good for your daughter, not too many can do that!

  6. The No Wonder Mom says:

    Wow…. Words do no justice. Your letter is absolutely beautiful and I hope it reaches many more people, especially women who have struggled with the heartache from making such a hard decision like you. My family includes 3 adopted cousins and we wouldn't be the same without them, so thank you to you and the women who have made the selfless decision to give their child to another family. It is an incredible act. Loved it.

  7. My heart is aching for you. To me, I think giving a child up for adoption is the greatest act of love. It's selfless. Your daughter will always know you loved her beacuse you put her needs above your own. May God comfort you, and bless you in your life. The letter is beautiful.

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